I recently found myself thumbing through the famed Robb Report (Your Global Luxury Resource) , a magazine for a whole other level of consumers. What trinkets are the ultra-rich buying these days? Tick-tocks that are harder to read than a cuneiform train schedule are en vogue. They’re called tourbillons and can cost well into six figures.
What time is it on that thing? How about in ten minutes from now? How about after a couple of margaritas? When you can afford to drop $200k on a watch, is time even a concern?
There was an interesting story on a home renovation “somewhere in Los Angeles.” The article stated that when the owner bought the residence, it was a “run of the mill 10,000 square foot tract home.” Wow. Everything is relative.
What else are the super-rich buying? Yachts, of course, and one featured in the magazine caught my eye.
It looked like something Ernst Stavro Bloefeld might own, designed by Dieter the Sprocket.
The Serbian manufacturer has the unlikely name of Art of Kinetik. They have two models. The 62-footer is called the Hedonist and is powered by a troika of 800 hp jet engines. That offers a vroom factor of 48 mph. The all-mahogany vessel requires 12,000 hours of sanding to prep it for 18 coats of varnish. (Why 18? Would 17 be insufficient and 19 overkill? Who dreams up these numbers?)
Who dreamed up the name of their entry-level 32 footer, the MAZOKIST? Yes, you read that correctly. The MAZOKIST. And here she is…
Powered by a Mercruiser stern drive, the MAZOKIST tops out at 33 mph with a range of 330 miles.
I speak no Serbian. But since Mazokist’s big sister is the plain English “Hedonist,” I must assume the smaller sibling is phonetically named for those who enjoy a good flogging. Or, was it payback by some copywriter who felt under paid for the job of naming the craft? Will some sick-rich Robb Report subscriber find himself saddled with a sea-going mahogany elephant? As he waits for the shore patrol to tow him back to Dubrovnik, will he shake his head and say, I must be a mazokist to have bought this thing. Will the Mazokist take its place among other ill-named/fated conveyances, like Edsel, Yugo and Vega?
Art of Kinetik’s website (http://www.artofkinetik.com/) is nearly as much an enigma as the name of their craft. Some of the “downloadable” (glacially) jpgs weigh in at a massive 25 mb. Perfect for printing – on a billboard.
And then there are the quotations – about as germane to things nautical as a dray horse and plow. A rambling one is from sculptor Henry Moore, whose work looks like this:
The photography is slick, but a little too… vague.
Maybe we’re nuts, and the Art of Kinetik guys have identified a subculture of wealthy, kinky yachtsmen who will keep the mazokist shipyard crackling like the tip of a bullwhip. But until we hear otherwise, we’re mooring the Mazokist at the what were they thinking dock.
Hey I’m running late here. What time is it? Oh nice tourbillon. I’ll just ask that lady with the big Timex. Thanks.