The VMG Christmas Gift Guide

Bruce McArthur Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Bleidner, Books, Gifts

We love Christmas. Santa handles the kids, leaving adults to deal with their own “gifting.” That’s when we get our Scrooge up.
Re-gifting is all the rage – igniting rage. You know the moment you open them. Vino from somebody’s backyard vineyard with a label featuring his golden Retriever and a cutesy-poo brand like Good-boy Beaujolais. Crocheted poodle toilet paper cozies. Cookbooks about British cuisine.  Ashton Kutcher DVDs.
We all have our Christmas D lists. These are people we feel compelled to give gifts to for a variety of reasons — none of them good. Like the neighbor who has every tool ever created and lends them to you, but is so annoying you’d like to remove his tongue with the Robo-grip pliers you have yet to return. Or the co-worker you want to force feed a live grenade, but last year he gave you a Dilbert coffee mug, so reciprocate you must.
As a service to our esteemed clients and fans, VMG offers gift ideas to help you fulfill obligations while achieving your agenda.
For the soon-to-be ex wife or girlfriend:
Power Bracelet

Roll video to capture her fury as she opens a jewel box expecting karat weight bling, only to find 75¢ worth of latex in fiesta purple. These $30-$60 (retail)  rubber bands should have come from the mind of Madoff. Claiming to increase strength and balance and endorsed by several pro-athletes and one race horse (all with identical IQs) they’re sure to destroy even a slightly entropic relationship.

For people you hate, & their kids:
Suzy Homemaker Espresso / Pit Bull
Enliven their days and nights with either or both of these thoughtful gifts. The espresso machine  makes double shot treats with the caffeine equivalent of a case of Red Bull. Their kids will be up for weeks, pinging off the walls like fleas in a hot jar. The pooch is guaranteed to ensnare the recipient in civil or criminal litigation.

The Perfect Gift
Then there’s the A list — those valued friends and business associates for whom you  must find the greatest gift. There is only one choice:

This book contains more laughs and wisdom than any you’re likely to find. Whether you are a dad, have a dad, know a dad, are thinking of  becoming a dad, suspect you may, in fact, be a dad, or are being accused of paternity, you’ll benefit from this masterpiece. 

Click here and get yours today! 

LARRY BLEIDNER